| Politicians

Q: Is Joe Biden left handed?

No, Joe Biden is right handed.

Rewind to August 22, 2008, the date when Americans all collectively scratched their heads and raised the question “Who the hell is Joe Biden?”  Barack Obama had just named the most least wealthy Senator to his ticket for reasons beyond us.  Turns out this guy was the longest serving senator in Delaware history, was elected to the U.S. Senate at the youngest allowable age of 30, and was a long time member of the House Judiciary and Foreign Relations Committees, which is why nobody knew him.

You might remember that the 2008 presidential campaign boiled down to one main issue:  Joe the Plumber vs. Joe the Biden.  Both were obscure individuals that the American public didn’t care much about (now they are both idiots that we care even less about).  The Biden won a narrow victory due to his ability to yell louder and dress better.

Joe Biden loves to talk and it often seems like his mouth is running full speed while his brain is plodding along through a swamp of oatmeal and barbiturates.  He often blurts out comments that rarely make sense, and uses this tactic to confuse and fluster his opponents, berating them into submission.

High school debate teams around the country have created a new approach to their competitions that they refer to as the “Biden Blitz.”  This aggressive and risky tactic requires the speaker to down at least one “Biden Bomb” before taking the podium.  These chemical cocktails usually contain at least 50mg of Adderall, and 1 gram of cocaine, washed down by two Four Lokos energy drinks (the original recipe with caffeine).  The “Biden Bomb” is always finished off by punching yourself in the face before you walk on stage.  This approach to debate has been proved unstoppable as long as you do not pass out before you destroy your opponent.  The ironic aspect of this strategy is that Joe Biden is a teetotaler, and you will never be as good a orator/debater as he is no matter what performance enhancing drugs you take.



Leave a Reply

  • (will not be published)