Is Bruce Willis Left-Handed?

Bruce Goddamn Willis. We love that you are left handed. We love that you were married to Demi Moore. We definitely love your new wife. We appreciate the struggles of having to bartend in NYC before landing your first role.

Born Walter Bruce What-you-talking-bout Willis, he grew up in New Jersey where the toxic fumes actually molded his iconic wife-beater to his body in a the first cotton-to-human symbiotic relationship. Every shirtless scene you see of him is actually either a stunt double or CGI. Bruce named his new appendage, or rather, the new appendage approved of Bruce’s own name and his choice for itself, as Nancy Pelosi Willis.

Starring in such roles as the voice of the baby in Look Who’s Talking, and the erotic thriller Color of Night, Willis has enjoyed a roller coaster of a career. He worked with M. Night Shyamalan before the director got addicted to homeopathic penis enlargement pills and derailed his career. He was in Sidney Poitier’s last film. His John McClane character was so iconic in the Die Hard franchise that when a bootleg copy reached North Korea, the people thought he was a real person and actually invincible, which ignited a massive state-wide panic. Kim Jong-Il tried to dissuade the misconception, but died before completing his arguments, fueling the fire that Bruce Willis secretly killed him for speaking out. To this day every North Korean citizen is afraid of two things: dying a miserably slow, cold, starving death alone in a hut and Bruce Willis.

Yes, Bruce Willis is Left-Handed.