Michael Phelps

Is Michael Phelps Left-Handed?

Michael Phelps was born under the sea in Atlantica to the King Triton. His mother was Ursula, who was with the King before she tried overthrowing him. He is a half-brother to Ariel and to this day he is furious with her that a movie was made about her transformation into a human and not his, as well as the fact that she helped kill his mother. He vowed to surpass her celebrity and dedicated his life to the one thing he was good at: competitive eating. Eventually his doctor told him to cut back on the fats and calories or else he would die, but instead he turned to the streets to join a gang of criminal swimmers based in Baltimore, Maryland.

Because Mermen mature differently, his age is actually 17 times ours but he appears no older than a twelve year old. He consequently has superior strength and lung capacity, not to mention the perfect body type for swimming, so he immediately dominated the underground swimming circuit. After winning the Junior Swim Our Drugs to America tournament, he successfully worked for a major swim wear/drug cartel but escaped after learning about their child labor factories. He decided to leave a life of crime and drug smuggling behind and straighten himself out.

He thought he could make it in the Olympic circuit and found a coach and began training. He got a job at Target and started to eat only at Subway because it was all he could afford and the chemicals helped keep his Merman skin hydrated. He broke the world record for 200m butterfly at the human age of 15 years, 9 months, which remains the youngest on record. His record breaking continued as he dominated most every event he’s swam in, securing 39 world records and capturing 19 Olympic medals, 15 of them gold, making him the most decorated athlete of all time.

No one has thought to question his origins or his lack of motor skills outside of the water, which are incorrectly attributed to his disproportionately long arm length and relatively short legs. I’m sure if we could ever find Atlantica Phelps would have some ‘splaining to do.

No, Michael Phelps is not Left-Handed.

[singlepic id=73 w=450 h=400 float=none]