Is Olivia Culpo Left-Handed?

Woohoo another Miss USA pageant has come and gone, and congratulations to the new Miss USA Olivia Culpo on her outstanding victory. People sure do love their beauty pageants. It felt like just yesterday that I was hearing about Miss Canada and all the crazy media attention that she was getting. It also felt like yesterday that I was ignoring the truth about Miss Canada. This morning too.

This year was wrought with competition, and featured some of the toughest questions asked of any citizen, let alone a pageant contestant. For example Texas was asked about the morality and ethical implications of the death penalty, North Carolina was quizzed on climate change statistics and forecasts models and Pennsylvania had to answer on whether Ginos or Pat’s has the better cheesesteaks.

I mean what better way to forget our lives are simply a meaningless blink in an infinite, expanding Universe than to watch beautifully plastic, made up women talk nonsense in bikinis. Because before long, I’m sure North Carolina will make it illegal to wear bikinis because it makes us think of the water rising, and we’ll be stuck listening to people in suits talking about things they have no idea about.

No, Olivia Culpo is not Left-Handed.

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