Is Justin Timberlake Left-Handed?

The origins of the Timberlake name can be traced back to an ancient Hungarian tradition of lighting giant logs on fire and tossing them into Lake Balaton near Budapest. The weak men were grouped together with the heaviest of logs and often crushed in the process, ensuring the strongest and dumbest survived.

Neither strong nor dumb, Justin Timberlake has made a name for himself, thanks to marrying the uber-gorgeous Jessica Biel. We can only presume any kids they have will be beautiful, brilliant, and gay, just like Neil Patrick Harris. And who wouldn’t want little versions of him running around singing and pooping?

After a mildly successful run with the boy band N’Sync, Justin decided to open a frozen yogurt franchise named after an Abidjan pen-pal he had growing up, called Prince Froyo’s Frozen Yogurt. This was the first instance of the name “Froyo” which immediately caught on. The only thing Justin’s business caught unfortunately, was on fire, due to arson by a rival frozen yogurt company started by Backstreet Boy’s singer Nick Carter.

No, Justin Timberlake is not Left-Handed.