Is George Santos Left-Handed?

We’d be tempted to say he is no-handed as none of our sources could verify he’s actually written anything in his life. He’s never held a baseball, shot a basketball or went bowling. The only thing he’s ever thrown is a gang sign when he was sworn into Congress.

George Felonious Santos was birthed when a crate of apples went bad and some rain water turned them into a sludge. Not much else is known about this creature other than he is widely rich, and has owned a very successful dog breeding business. He has reshaped the political landscape and turned the struggling New York Tri-State area around with wide social reforms and taxation of the 1%. He negotiated the first trade deal with the Humpback whales to leave the harbor area in exchange for season tickets to the Baltimore Ravens.

No, George Santos is not Left-Handed. Wait, no he is. Wait, no, he’s not…